Guten Tag Mate

Well, I made it. It was your typical routine “Delta” flight. The first thing that happened was I couldn’t get my itinerary up on their "fast do it yourself to save time (with no help) computer system" so I could print out my boarding pass.

When I asked for assistance, the nice attendant lady told me that I had to wait because she had all those other people in line that need to come first. Delta, at the time, only had three people to handle the early morning rush of about 20 people two to handle the people and one to stand around waiting for the luggage. I was a good boy, I waited without complaining. Finally, after about 5 minutes the attendant I asked yelled at the people in the line, “If you have not gone over to the self serve area and gotten your boarding passes, please do so!” It was then close to 95% of the line came over to where I was to get their boarding passes, but I still was a good boy and waited until the attendant lady finished with what was left in the line. I did get a little irate when she started helping those who came over to get their boarding passes without helping me first, they were first in line, I was first at the computers. Gee, if I was smart enough to “try” to get my boarding pass and was waiting for help going on 20 minutes shouldn’t I be one of the first one to get help? Not according to Delta, by what I saw it was the ones that were closer to the attendants so they wouldn't have to walk as far. The attendant could figure out why the computer found my itinerary but wouldn’t print my ticket and sent me over to the ticket purchase area.

Another 15 minute wait, not bad, even a little reasonable. That attendant told me that the flight to Atlanta, Ga. has a big delay (I didn’t find out until later it was due to stormy weather). No problem, she just booked me onto another flight. I had a few choices on when I wanted to arrive and one was within five minutes of the original arrival time, because I would have people waiting for me and another party that was going to arrive around the same time I chose that flight.

After going through customs I got to the gate to wait out my 45 minutes until the plane left. Like Andrew, I was happy that the Salt Lake airport has free Wi-Fi and was able to notify Myrna and my contact in Germany about the change. Me happy camper! Left on time for Chicago’s O’Hare, the plane was a stand-by, happiness slowly fading. Have you ever had a flat tire in one of the newer cars? Ever seen the size of the spare compared to the other tires? Take the same ratio and apply it to Delta’s emergency stand-by jet. When you have to duck all along the way to your seat you know that it is a small jet. Every seat was taken, full flight. But, still the stewardesses started her routine of passing out their little goodies and even gave out two (read it and reap – TWO) packages of peanuts. Granted there are only about 10 peanuts per bag, but we got two of them plus a little over half of glass of juice. I told you how small the jet was, it was almost big enough to contain the smiles that the stewardesses were giving to everyone. Made me feel better, cramped but feeling better. Then we landed.

I had less than 20 minutes to get to my next gate to leave for Detroit so it was off to the races. It was around 3:00 pm and the plane departed at 3:20, Delta wanted you to be on the jet at least 30 minutes before takeoff so I was already running late no time to stop for a bite, besides Delta would be generous and fork out a couple more packages of peanuts and a swallow to wash them down. Nope, I was wrong (forgot that this was Delta). Due to the short trip (roughly 45 to 50 minutes) the stewardesses could only handle the first class people. They didn’t even bother to close the curtain between classes. By the time we landed in Detroit my stomach was growling louder than the jet’s engines.

You have to understand that I ate a small breakfast at around 4:15 am Wednesday and the time (counting time zones) would have put my landing around 5:20ish Utah time. But, I still had (again) roughly 20 minutes to find my gate, I arrived at gate 34, and needed to find gate 40, no problem just turn right add the numbers until I reach gate 40, and I was in luck there was a McDonald’s in between gates 37 and 40. Should I stop, do I have time yes! One Big Mac $4.89, fries and drink extra. Airport rip offs, they know that they have you trapped and figure they can charge whatever they want, not only that it was cold! If I wasn’t so hungry and didn’t need it so badly I would have told them to stuff it. I don’t even care for McDonald’s food.

Finally, left for Frankfurt, Germany, I remember the way we were treated on the flight to Cairo, the jet was roomy, the food was good and plentiful, and life was serine. That flight, of course, was not a Delta flight. About 20 to 30 minutes into the flight I was asked if I wanted peanuts or pretzels and what to drink. OJ and may I have one of each, a bag of peanuts and a bag of pretzels, please. The stewardess informed that due to cut backs I had to wait to see if there were enough peanuts and pretzels to go around I may have one or the other. Okayyy, I’ll take the peanuts then. Count the number of peanuts, eight, yep, cut backs even shorted me on the peanuts. Never saw the stewardess again so I figured they ran out. Few hours into the flight came our meal, this time a different male steward asked “pasta or chicken”, me “chicken”. Let’s see what we have if I dig under the teaspoon of rice and veggies I can find the chicken, it was about the size of fifty cent piece and maybe twice as thick, about four bites of salad, one roll, and a half a bite of brownie. The whole meal lasted ten to fifteen bites depending if I ate the rice one grain at a time. The empty food tray sat on the lap tray for around two and a half hours before it got removed. Coffee came around, me “may I have OJ please”, stewardess “we have to save that for morning so that we will have enough, would you like an after dinner wine instead, or we could bring you a beer for $7.00. You will have to pay by credit though, we don’t handle cash”. Me “no would you happen to have any water?” They were generous and gave me one and a half swallows in a cup. If I wasn’t so dry I could probably spit the amount of water they spared me. At this point I was wondering if the price of gas was really the problem the airline is losing money.

Figuring that there are 8 seats across, guessimating roughly 25 rows per section, and 4 sections per plane that puts roughly 800 people on the plane, being way conservative at a $1,000 per person (first and business classes pay considerably more and I know that my ticket was more) that is about $800,000 per flight. I know that paying for wear and tear on the plane takes a big chunk out of it, and I hope that they don’t pay the stewardesses the rest. What it probably is the airlines told their board of trusties that they expect a $100 million dollar profit by the end of the year, but they only made $40 million so they lost $60 million dollars let’s make it up by providing lousy food and service to our customers.

I shouldn’t blog about airlines when I have had no sleep. I really dislike the way I have been treated over the years by the airlines and airports. I have more bitter tastes (not mainly from the food) left by the way I was treated then not so bitter. Delta got hit because I just flew it and was dissatisfied with the service. So sorry Delta maybe my return trip will be better, we'll see, eh.

Until the next time…may the bird of paradise land on your window sill…